Feeling better

Well no attacks this week although there has been the possibility of them a few times. I seemed to have staved them off by taking my naproxen and/or staying in the same position for a while. I have nothing new to report on the customized exercise program yet but I really hope to get this going very soon. I do want to get better but there is always something holding me back. Like I've said before, I'm sure it's fear of the unknown, so to speak. Not knowing how much it will hurt to move the curve back into a more normal position is scary. If it's anything like the attacks themselves, I'm not sure I could handle it. However, how will I know if I don't try right?

I have become convinced within the last year or so that my rib cage has been distorted enough to be affecting my digestive system now. Without going into the gory details, let's just say that I can digest just fine, I just can't expel as easily as I used to. I have a rather fast metabolism and could easily eat every 3 or 4 hours. However, metabolism doesn't help to move the waste any further than the stomach. Although I have told my doctors this, they don't seem to be as concerned as I am and recommend that I eat more fibre. Well, I have changed my eating somewhat and eat high fibre cereal every morning. But scoliosis has a way of overtaking any other health issues I encounter to the point where I get used to whatever it is I'm doing to make things better. For example, I could (and sometimes do) eat the same cereal every morning for a week and it would be effective for a only few days. It's the same with colds and the flu. I haven't had either in years since the scoliosis seems to override any other problems that come along. I usually get sinus infections a couple of times a year that would take me out of commission for a week but I haven't had one in about 7 months or so now.

It's hard to say for sure that the scoliosis is responsible for all these things; maybe I just have a fantastic immune system. Although, comparing to the past, I used to get colds just like everyone else as well as the flu about once a year. It's a pretty convincing argument in any case.

I hope to get my x-rays done this weekend. I tracked down my old ones, which were nearly 5 years ago, in about 10 minutes through only two phone calls. I was happy to find that it wasn't nearly as complicated a process to find them as I had expected. In any case, my old x-rays will be sent to my doctor by Feb. 1 so she should have both in the next couple of weeks. Hopefully, she will then call me in to show me the difference. If not, I will just go in myself and ask to see them. I still can't understand why I'm not allowed to keep a copy. They are my x-rays with my back on them. Anyway, we'll see what happens.

The pain is back

As mentioned before, my back attacks have returned. Probably the hardest thing to get over when they show up, besides the pain itself, is the fact that I have no idea when they will strike. I get about two minutes warning in my jaw and then BOOM! - it's here. When my jaw starts to seize up (always on the right side) and my mouth feels like it's in a permanent frown, I immediately reach for my naproxen and take one as quickly as I can. Unfortunately, as is the case with most medication, it takes around 30 minutes for the naproxen to work and by that time, I've already suffered through the worst of the attack. I guess the easiest way to explain why I take it at all is so that cyclical nature of the attacks won't keep me in pain all day long. Quite frankly, just dealing with it for 30 minutes straight is enough to make me want to pass out. I can't imagine what I would do if I had to endure the pain cycles all day!

Today, my pain started as soon as I got into work and had removed my coat and boots. At least at home I can suffer by myself without anyone walking in on me and wondering what I'm doing. It's very difficult to explain the pain to anyone else and that I just need to be alone when it shows up. Due to the nature of my job, my door is essentially open all day so it's a lot harder to hide the fact that I'm in agony if someone happens to walk in. Luckily, that wasn't the case this morning and the cycles of pain seem to have dissipated at least for now. I guess the naproxen has kicked in! I can still feel the underlying effects of the initial attacks though so I need to be careful not to set the cycle off again. I tend to treat the attacks as a time bomb of sorts and I do whatever I can to ensure that they only go off once at a time (usually within the course of the same day).

Unfortunately, I'm not entirely sure what starts the attacks in the first place but my best guess is that my curve is shifting again. More than likely, it's shifting further in the wrong direction but there's no way for me to know that for certain. I had an attack back on December 29 in the car on the way home from my brother's (thankfully I was a passenger and not the driver). My mom was in the front seat and had been talking to me but I couldn't answer her. I finally blurted out that I couldn't talk but she didn't really understand why the attack would stop me from talking. She asked me about that last night and I finally explained it in the best way I could: when the pain comes, I can't think about anything but the pain so talking during that time is essentially impossible. I can't formulate thoughts and the words that would come out of my mouth would make no sense whatsoever. The pain these days takes place almost exclusively in my chest and makes me feel as though I can't breathe, which of course makes talking an extremely difficult chore at that point. I'm not sure if she could really understand my explanation but I think she simply interpreted it as an obviously bad situation that sounds very serious. Of course, that's absolutely true.

Still slacking

Well, I have finally decided that my biggest hold-up to getting the exercises started is that I'm not sure I can handle the pain that will come with trying to move my spine closer to its original position. My back attacks have returned after about three months of none, which means that my back is moving again. I have at least asked my doctor for new x-rays since I'm sure my last ones were nearly five years ago. I'd like to have a baseline to work from before beginning the exercises too so that I can see how beneficial they will be. In the meantime though, I really just need to concentrate on what the benefits will be instead of thinking about how painful it might be to get there.

I hope to keep this blog a little more up-to-date in the new year so we'll see how that goes.